Finding love after you have been through a painful divorce can seem like an impossibility. You fell in love with somebody, and you pledged your life to them, and then it all fell apart. Thinking that it could ever work out for you and that you could ever find somebody to truly spend the rest of your life with is hard to do in these dark times, but there is hope for you. Finding a happy and healthy relationship isn’t as hard as it seems. You can find the right person if you have the right outlook on relationships.
Dating after divorce first requires that you have completely healed and moved on from your previous relationship. You need to give your date a fair chance when you are with them and not compare them at all to your ex-spouse. Don’t make a date all about the mistakes your ex-made and how you want something different. A new relationship is a fresh start, and it’s own thing, not a continuation of your previous relationship.
You have to be able to genuinely accept that you deserve love and have an expectation for love. You have to fully embrace your new relationship to be able to have it work. Withholding emotional support or being withdrawn from your partner can doom a relationship to failure. Being able to be completely open with someone is hard after a divorce. You’ve made mistakes in the past, and you’re worried you’ll do so again. The fear of being hurt is a tough one to overcome, but you have to do it if you want to have a relationship and marriage that will last.
You need to map out a serious plan for what you think is a healthy relationship. You need to be honest with yourself about what you’re expecting from a relationship and what you want. People tend to let their bad habits creep into their lives, and if you have lousy relationship habits, they’ll show back up if you don’t work to correct them. Are you getting into this relationship for the right reasons? Are you doing it so that you won’t be alone? Are you doing it just for the physical aspects of a relationship? You need to ask yourself what a good relationship looks like and if you’re putting yourself in the right places to have a good relationship, or are you just doing something that feels good in the short term but has no staying power.
You should go out and do things in social settings that involve the things you are passionate about. Do open mic nights or karaoke if you enjoy public speaking or singing. Take dance lessons, go to political rallies, do the things that excite you and that you are passionate about and find like-minded people you can talk to and engage with. Being in groups of people that feel the way you do about the world is a great way to make friends and find good relationships.